I would like to state for the record that my legal name is Kymberly Anne Foster Seabolt. I also had to pay over $100 hard-earned dollars to run an ad stating the same in our local newspaper so the tens of people who read that could be informed, legally.
It all started when I renewed my driver’s license during the Covid shutdown. The local license bureau — which had been renewing my license for eons — suddenly had an issue. After a lifetime of no issue, suddenly my very identity was in question.
I get it. New rules. Terrorists might win, yadda, yadda. They eventually renewed my license under duress and warned me that in four more years I would need to address my issue.
As it turns out, married ladies who still use their maiden names professionally but do not hyphenate are clearly the issue the government needs to worry about.
I’m going to go along to get along, plus I like driving, so I dutifully trotted down to our county courthouse and filed for my legal name change
“So Kymberly Foster Seabolt is your birth name?”
“No. Kymberly Anne Foster. I wasn’t born married, although sometimes it does seem that way.”
“But your drivers license and these other docs say Kymberly Foster Seabolt?”
“Yes I know … apparently no one really cared until recently and now I can’t renew my drivers license or get a passport unless it legally matches …”
“Okay well have you used any other names throughout your lifetime other than Kymberly Foster Seabolt?”
Me, raising my hand to swear on the official stance of the great state of Ohio, “ I have not” and then adding “oh wait. I was Griffin for a few years when my mom was married when I was very young. But that wasn’t legal. I just used that name for a few years in school.”
Nice lady narrows eyes like “what are you trying to pull?”
This is when I knew I actually HAD been living life with an alias like a common criminal and DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT! Oh the wasted opportunities. There I was with a proven alias and not a crime to my name. Darn.
I had no idea how to proceed from this point. Then one of the other ladies heard “Seabolt” and exclaimed “wait are you Kassie’s mom? Oh we love her! My daughter was younger than yours but your daughter was always SO KIND to her.”
Just like that she helped me out right there. I just needed the proper forms and a few copies of official things, and another copy of something else and cash (not check or money order because again, people who are changing their names probably DO seem suspicious).
So now there will be a legal notice in the paper for the three people that read those to be apprised that I’m up to something. I was slightly disappointed that they aren’t running it on the front page, but I guess I’m not really THAT big a deal.
Meanwhile I am here to share why small township and small counties are the way I prefer to live. Not only are children raised to “act right because everyone you see probably knows your mama” but there is yet another reason to raise good humans.
Someday, you might need to ride your child’s coattails, and if you need to do so, you want their reputations to be good ones.
I probably shouldn’t have settled for “Kymberly Anne Foster Seabolt.” I wonder if it’s too late to change to “Matthew and Kassie’s Mom” in case that can benefit me in any way.
