Obviously, I’m an adult, but like, not ON PURPOSE. I didn’t realize how little I understood the time change until I attempted to explain the science behind it to a very bossy, small dog. I assure you that Nova Grace does not care what the government thinks, she knows what time breakfast is. Setting the time back an hour does not change the settings on her stomach.
Slight sleep deprivation and overall confusion on what time it was is what I’m blaming for the fact that I ever-so-slightly poisoned myself while stripping a table. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Intent
I didn’t intentionally set out to refinish this table. It was a fluke. I grabbed this table about a year ago at a thrift store for five dollars. Yes, really it had been spray painted black and metallic silver, and had plastic gems glued all over it so it was definitely worth every bit of $5 — and not a penny more. I brought it home, cleaned it, popped off the gems and spray painted the whole thing white. At that point, it looked perfectly innocuous and fit nicely on the front porch. Five dollars and some spray paint is about what I intended to spend on a porch table. It holds lemonade glasses and squirrels. I didn’t want to invest much.
Fast-forward to my recent manic decluttering phase and subsequent rearranging of our living room furniture. I suddenly realized that what I really would like to have in the space is a round coffee table. This, of course, because I actually already own two perfectly lovely rectangular shaped coffee tables. I also have an assortment of ottomans. I went through a really heavy ottoman phase at one point and at least a half dozen people could put their feet up comfortably at our place. Of course, none of those will do. I NEED a round table. I was scrolling Facebook Marketplace looking at used coffee tables because I’m cheap, when it occurred to me that I already owned a round table. Quick as a flash, I dragged that porch table into the living room to test it out. The shape was perfect. Mr. Wonderful was pleased to have somewhere to put his feet (never mind all those ottomans). The only thing that wasn’t working with the porch table turned indoor furniture was the bright white paint. Thus, with utter disregard for my personal safety or sanity, I did what any fool would do: I scratched a tiny little bit of the paint off just to take a peek at what might be underneath. It was just a little hit. I could stop whenever I wanted. That was until I exposed gorgeous walnut wood. Now I was hooked.
I dragged out a bottle of paint and varnish stripper I had on hand. There was just enough in the bottle to get started. I have long admitted that if I ever became a professional crafter — which I would not — my business name would be “The Crappy Crafter.” I am impatient. I abhor prep work. I cut corners. Basically, do as I say, not as I do. So I threw down a piece of plastic to protect the carpet and applied the stripping solution inside the house in our formal foyer.
This was fine because my choice of material was non-toxic and smelled of oranges. Then I needed more remover. This is where I let my thrill for a bargain get ahead of my common sense. In my defense, there was a SALE. A product that should have cost $35 was on clearance for $3.51. Who can say “no” to that? Smart folks, that’s who. I replaced my nontoxic, orange peel paint stripper with something that probably has a skull and a crossbones on the label. I didn’t read it because I’m an idiot so who knows?
Fumes
I took the deal home, slapped it on liberally, and within minutes the foyer — and soon the entire house — filled with fumes. Oops.This was the opposite of non-toxic. It was apparently extra toxic. I had a sticky table absolutely covered in toxic goo and it needed to get OUT of my house. It’s clear that I obviously have very little self-preservation instinct, but I am absolutely crazy about our pets. This couldn’t be good for them. I was also worried for the HVAC technician who is working right below us in the basement. I did not want to have to explain to the local heating and cooling company, who are also neighbors, that I had basically roofied their technician.
I dragged the dropcloth and the table right out the front door. Fortunately, no one was harmed with the exception of a few brain cells that I apparently wasn’t really using much anyway.
