I personally think it should be illegal for people to post videos online that give me a false sense of hope or inspire me to do things that I should hire out, like shearing sheep. It’s a job that has to be done, but I have no formal training outside of watching the world’s fastest sheep shearing competitions online, and that just set me up for failure.
We started with only a couple of sheep. Today we have nine breeding ewes and a ram that is friendly, loving and affectionate. He is the first one to come to us in the pasture and loves to be scratched.
Sheep are magnificent creatures who are very timid. Their only defense system is to run, and they can run for hours and hours. Even the ram can run effortlessly, despite the massive scrotum hanging between his hind legs.
From simple observation, I figured it would slow him down kind of like running with a ball and chain attached to one’s feet. What’s more impressive than that? The fact they start running and jumping the moment they’re born.
As beautiful as they are, they need some attention. Their hooves need trimmed, as well as their wool fleece, and they’re susceptible to worms. But first, you have to catch them.
I purchased a set of cordless clippers that said they would work for sheep. Apparently, others don’t make this mistake. They are good for sheep, but more for trimming up their short hair to prepare for a competition. I didn’t figure that out until after the shenanigans were finished.
We moved the sheep into a smaller area using electric fencing. One by one, we were able to watch their tireless running and effortless jumping as they easily hurdled the fence that was used to contain them for months.
When we finally wrestled the first one down, I began shearing — or at least I tried. Those guys stood them up on their butts to shear them in the competition, but my clippers didn’t even make the right kind of buzzing. My clippers were more like hair clippers that didn’t let me do much at all. After nearly an hour, we were ready to switch to the other side, but now the clippers seemed dull.
I couldn’t quit, much less catch him again to try later. I had to muster up the ambition that I started this with. So I reached into my back pocket where I had a pair of hair scissors. This proved not only fruitless, but entirely painful. The blisters formed on the fingers and my hand was cramping up after an hour of scissoring. I needed something better. Alas, I tried kitchen shears. The grip was much more comfortable, and they seemed to cut through anything.
After finishing the one, he just stood up and looked at us while chewing. I don’t know if he knew we were trying to help, but he was a good sport.
For his participation, we thought about giving him a reward, but how do you reward a sheep that looks like a spotted leopard, naked mole rat with dreadlocks?
We gave him sweet feed and an apology and tried not to laugh at him.
