If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.
— Jacqueline Kennedy
It is said that true success is when your children want to be with you when they are adults. I have to concur.
I am a proud member of the “chat with my mom every day” club. I like her. We go way back. She’s interesting. She also makes me laugh. We have plans to get together and clean out a closet together next week. I’m really looking forward to it.
GirlWonder and I also touch base daily. A quick text, message, shared cute video or I’ll call her or she calls me. Sometimes we just FaceTime while we both wash dishes or cook. The other day, she sat on her bathroom floor, doing her nails, while we video chatted. It was glorious.
BoyWonder tends to call very early or very late in the day. He works swing shifts so that keeps things interesting. My phone might ring before sunrise. We catch up on his job, home projects, old truck, dog and cats.
I tend to let them take the lead and “phone home” when they have a moment or a desire. I’m so grateful for them and the fact that they both still seem to want to. They need you when they are younger; you need them when you’re older.
It’s definitely true, but even more beautiful is when the children have a good relationship with each other — that’s when as a parent I know I’ve done my job. Our son and daughter are very close friends. They enjoy each other’s company as do our son-in-law and future daughter-in-law.
I giggle each time the “older two” (by approximately 20 months give or take) call the “younger two” — a married couple! — “the kids.”
“What time are the kids coming to dinner?”
“Are the kids staying the weekend?”
It makes me giggle every time, the two mid 20-something “elders” taking control. Never mind that one of the “the kids” is military and the other almost an attorney. In the eyes of an older sibling and his wife, they are “the kids.” I love it.
When GirlWonder had a flat tire, her big brother was ready to hop into his car and drive over to help her — he lives an hour and a half away mind you. We reassured him that there were, in fact, people who could handle the task much closer to (her) home.
Success is raising good humans. I expect my son to go off and live his own life, explore the world and have his own family. The same goes for our daughter. She is our baby. She is also a spectacular adult. She has grown into one of my best friends in adulthood. We have an amazing relationship, and I hope both would visit on holidays, but they don’t owe that to me.
This year we crossed a new threshold. For the first time ever, we did not wake up on Christmas morning with GirlWonder in the house. She did join us later on Christmas morning but she spent Christmas Eve at her own home with her husband, and we were happy for them.
I know as we reach further into the “empty nest” life of parenting truly grown (and married) adult children, our norms and traditions are going to change — one hopes for the better. I think I’m successful and have an abundance of joy knowing my adult children are happy and healthy.
I fully expect there to be times in my children’s lives where they want to and should prioritize other things or people or activities, and I think we can still love each other and be happy. When we spend time together, we will enjoy it. No guilt.
As I often say, “healthy birds fly.” I also know that it is our fervent prayer that they continue to want to fly — and phone — home.
