As parents, we fondly recall carrying around our children as toddlers, cutting their meat, waving goodbye as they stepped onto the school bus and watching them march to the podium for their diploma.
Then … (big gulp) we escort them off to the goal of a higher education. No matter how prepared we think we are, the process of this transition is not simple.
Within our Animal Sciences Department, there are so many opportunities to make new students feel welcome and engaged as they weave their way through the many challenges of those first few weeks. We observe, we listen and we empathize with their routine. Even over Labor Day weekend, I had a dairy judging team trip and I was so proud of the more experienced students who were providing advice, hints and some tutoring even as we evaluated cattle. They were the advocates of comfort.
As parents, we have a daily “grind” of conversation. It sounds familiar … drive carefully, think twice, be prepared, remember to drink plenty of water and the most overdone question is when we ask how their day was. We inquire to promote the core values we have been teaching in their daily lives. Parents anticipate that those “grinding” messages will transfer into the “grit” needed for students to make independent decisions.
With caution, I will remind you that I am no expert, but I have observed those transition days for many years and nearly 19 here on campus. Beyond that, I am a parent and a grandparent, and a coach who shares so much of life with students outside of the brick-and-mortar classes.
Tidbits
The following are some tidbits I discovered to be the most helpful.
1. Embrace this change and keep teaching. We all parent for the day when we are no longer their primary support. Even though miles may separate, you still are their greater advocates. Try to resist the urge to jump in and resolve issues. Show them how to do it and be there as they try it. The benefits of technology are present to stay current and you might even surprise your student as you too are a lifelong learner.
2. Change = Stress. There is a monumental amount of change as they navigate through the first few days of any new undertaking. Routines, new surroundings, peers are all in the equation. For farm kids who have had a broad range of chores, confinement can be difficult. Suddenly, a supervised teen changes into more of an independent adult. Calmly listen to them as they talk and avoid interrupting with your comeback until all the details are in place.
3. Freedom and trust. Hopefully, your son or daughter has been gradually experiencing small amounts of “freedom” before this big one. Trust that your “grinding” of values and goals has been effective. Trust them to get it right, to make mistakes and to learn from both. Then the “grit” I spoke of earlier will soon develop. Be patient and, finally, trust the institution chosen to connect and support both of you.
4. Share what you care about the most. The basic rules are to stay safe, show respect and keep in touch. These are not threats but a sign of your love, caring and concern. This needs to include talking together and a communication plan that makes sense.
Finally, this column is written realizing that more parents than students will be reading the content. However, as a teacher, it is my goal to prepare all students to belong. They need to find a social niche that feels natural.
Our Labor Day judging trip was about cows, but it was actually more about developing a mindset that says they belong to a greater cause in an atmosphere of belonging.
Thank you parents for your trust. You can possibly grieve about this stage of parenting or you could take the time to feel good about all you have done to enrich and bring your child to maturity. They still need your reassurance, and you can be a huge part of their life whether it is laundry questions, finances or how to treat a cold.
As a final thought, I recall the moment when our last son went off to Ohio State University.
As usual, putting my thoughts on paper was therapeutic to express my feelings. I created a poem titled “Home Alone.” If you are interested, email me at ayars.5@osu.edu and I can share.
