A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
— Joseph Joubert
People keep mistaking me for an adult. This is primarily due to my age. I don’t always FEEL like an adult. Some days I feel like a cross between a tired toddler and a petulant teen. Trust me, if it was possible to just lay down kicking and screaming in the grocery store checkout lane and then be told “that’s it we are going HOME!” I would consider it.
Sadly, after a certain age no one ever threatens to just take me home. That isn’t a punishment. That’s a good time. Accordingly, I have learned to ACT like a civilized and generally non-feral human MOST of the time. This is a conscious choice made not because I’m a better person — but because life just seems to run more smoothly when I do.
Ripple
A research team at Berkeley University in California conducted an in-depth analysis of decades of research on the impact of kindness. “The results suggest that our acts of kindness and generosity, online or offline, can have meaningful ripple effects in our communities.”
On this note I pride myself on being kind and on being a generally happy person. People — strangers even — remark upon my “sunny demeanor.” I make a living getting a laugh out of stabbing my spouse with an arrow (among other things). The ability to put a positive spin on most things is crucial when you get up to the kind of shenanigans I do.
First and foremost, let me be the first to point out that society has been telling us for generations — if not centuries — that money cannot buy happiness. This is an outright lie. Money cannot fix untenable things like, say, death or illness (but can fix taxes). Money buys safety, security, comfort, options and control. It allows people to leave toxic situations or, simply, to travel. Money makes breakdowns of hot water tanks and transmissions an inconvenience instead of a calamity. Money is, in essence, freedom. Freedom is key to a certain level of happiness.
With that out of the way I want to acknowledge that most of my tip is going to come from a place of remarkable privilege. My needs are met. I am fed, clothed and provided for in all the basic human ways. I concede that I already have a good baseline of happiness. I own that. I also express gratitude for it every day by being kind when possible. We do this by some of the following choices.
Key to kindness
Assume the best of people’s actions and motivations. That slow driver who is annoying you? Imagine they are a brand new driver, somewhat unsure and trying to be safe on the road. Or, perhaps, they are on their way to a milestone event and have a special cake balanced on the back seat. You are part of the mission to save that cake! Smile and wave.
Have you received a terrible product or customer service? Have your feelings been hurt? Never, ever make a call or send an email when you are angry or in the heat of the moment. I have a 36 hour rule. Fume, vent, stomp around the house, type angrily on a keyboard and then … wait. DO NOT HIT SEND. Walk away. Let things ride. Sleep on it. You’ll often see that things are resolved without you having to get heated — or, that things look calmer after some time has elapsed. The best case scenario being that you won’t say something you’ll regret. In the wise words of Mark Twain “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” The worst case scenario is that you will still have to go on the warpath but at that point you’ve had more time to work up a reasonable alibi. It is a kindness to make things easier on your Defense Attorney, after all.
Real
Use your real identity online. I know this is a tough one for some. I have been online for over two decades. I have found consistently that I “own my words” and attitudes and actions when my name is attached to them. I believe in my heart that most of the cruelty on the internet comes from the sea of anonymity. I spend a lot of time erasing things because, quite frankly, I realize my MOM might read them.
While we all tend to see ourselves as “main characters” the truth is other people aren’t really trying to make you mad or make you late. Reframing a mindset can allow us to be more compassionate to the realities of others. We are all just doing our best.
