When I try to tell people how bad I was at golf and tell them that I shot a 34 once, it’s very difficult for them to understand. Most people would love to be able to shoot a 34, but when I explain that it was only on the first hole, the gravity really sinks in.
See, no one wants to shoot a 34 on a single hole. The truth is, I started playing because of my friend. I had never golfed or wanted to. I grew to love the game, and I got a whole lot better as the years went on. But it was a real struggle for me.
I could hit the ball hundreds of yards and the thrill of it was exciting. But if my ball started going straight, it eventually turned and would disappear into the woods. Sometimes it would go to the right and hook back to the left to go into the other side of the woods. And sometimes, it just didn’t go anywhere. But almost always it went somewhere… just don’t know where. And sometimes, it was my club would go flying off into the fairway. In fact, I had to stop playing countless rounds because I didn’t have any more balls in my bag. And no one would lend me any.
I would usually play a round just dropping balls from the nearest area I could figure the ball left the course from. I didn’t even know there were rules about this. But there are rules about everything, it was years before I learned that there is a four-stroke penalty for a lost ball.
This only added insult to the injury because the price of a used ball at the course was 50 cents to a dollar. At first, I tried to keep up with my ball consumption by purchasing new, but I’d go through a dozen balls a round, easily. I always thought it was a great day when I left with more balls than I started with.
You see people lose balls all over on the golf course. The last place you’re going to find them is in the fairway. Coincidentally, the fairway was the last place you would find me. I was more like an Army sniper, sneaking up on the green from the woods. Sometimes I would approach from the backwoods, only to duff the ball across the green to take a shot from the other side.
It wasn’t long before the teammates I was playing with learned to hide behind their golf bag whenever I was swinging. Hitting someone with a golf ball was dangerous and could seriously injure someone. The first time that I did it, I didn’t know you were supposed to shout at them and honestly, I didn’t know where my ball was. I rarely played on the hole I was on. I usually took approach shots from several holes away.
In order, to get better I had to keep practicing, but I couldn’t get my hands on enough balls to keep practicing. I devised the most brilliant plan to solve my golf ball crisis. I would go to the driving range. While I did go there to actually hit balls, it was the only place where you could get 100 golf balls for a buck.
I would go to the driving range, take a couple of shots and stuff my bag full of double red striped range balls. This is the kind of ingenuity that has been paramount in life and on the homestead. I don’t always have what I need or the money to buy it but I still make it work. It’s why I move livestock in my minivan.
So funny!