If it’s Tuesday, the White House’s long-promised tariffs against Canada and Mexico are on again but if it’s Thursday, they — well, many that its Big Biz backers don’t want — are off again.
No, wait.
Thursdays are for selling government offices like the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s headquarters. Tuesdays are for Congress to return to Washington after another four-day weekend “in the district” where most members didn’t hold town halls to hear from their tariff-clobbered constituents.
Mondays are for announcing government office closings, according to the folks at farmdocDaily. Or so they said March 10, when, quoting Agri-Pulse, “The (USDA) has begun listing planned lease terminations on 59 Farm Service Agency [FSA] and Natural Resources Conservation Service [NRCS] offices as part of an effort to cut costs, according to the Department of Governmental Efficiency’s (DOGE) website.”
For example, one office on the cut list is the “Kentucky state FSA office in Lexington, which is housed in the same building as the state NRCS office.”
Now that’s how you do efficiency; one federal office closed, two federal birds plucked. Then again, where are the office feathers — its files and employees — going to settle?
An anonymous source told Agri-Pulse that the DOGE cost and space cutters have “no plans for where staff will go, or what will happen with paper copies of easement filings stored onsite.”
But don’t worry, explained a USDA “acting deputy undersecretary,” because “all equipment and files will be removed from affected offices and stored in temporary locations until they can be moved to new sites.”
So DOGE will close one office to rent a second temporary “site” before everything is “moved to new sites” for a third time. Some efficiency.
Remember, if it’s Wednesday one of those “new sites” could be Canada — should the White House again decide on Thursday to impose tariffs on one of American agriculture’s most important, longstanding export markets.
But not on Wednesday, March 12, because that’s when Congress finished work on the already five-month late 2025 federal budget. That effort, a simple up-or-down vote to keep federal spending at current levels through Sept. 30, worried Republican leaders because some of its members wanted to cut spending, not maintain it.
Which presents an important Constitutional question: If on any given Sunday the White House and its phalanx of DOGEteers can cut, sell or close any federal program, agency or department regardless of what Congress and courts say, why are GOP budget hawks worried about cutting 2025 spending at all?
Indeed, if the federal government is run by a band of number-mining tech bros who answer to almost no one, Republican budget cutters have only to sic the DOGE hounds on programs they want hamstrung — like Medicaid, SNAP and Obamacare — and heads will roll and cuts will happen faster than you can boot-up a laptop.
This will happen on any day that isn’t Saturday, of course, because Saturday is when the hardworking officials in Washington begin their weekend rest.
Well, sort of “rest” because if you have access to government aircraft, security details and federal travel budgets you often spend Saturday and Sunday golfing in Florida, skiing in Vermont or “mountaineering” in California’s Coachella Valley as three government officials did on one late February weekend.
Make no mistake, though, most of those rest days are well earned given all the hassles endured over Monday’s office closings, Tuesday’s tariffs announcements, Wednesday’s legislative drudgery, Thursday’s recanting of Tuesday tariffs and Fridays filled with…
Wait. What happens on Friday?
Friday is the day many news-whipped Americans marvel at the resiliency the Founders built into our democracy and rededicate themselves to ensuring its existence.
