“Reason well from the beginning and then there will never be any need to look back with confusion and doubt.”
— Dalai Lama
Long ago, I learned that there is a difference between a keen intelligence of factual matters and that of day-to-day reasoning of puzzling situations that land in our path.
When I was 14 years old, algebra was my nemesis. It gave me nightmares; it caused me those unbearable tears of great frustration, and it caused me to beat myself up while questioning my intellect over and over again.
A young girl in my class had to obtain special permission from her church to take one more year of schooling before walking away from her education for good. I asked her about it one day as we studied in small groups.
“What class this year made it worth your fight?” I asked, my curiosity sincere.
“It is this class. Algebra,” she explained. I was stunned.
Then, she asked me if I were in her shoes, what class would I have found worth seeking special permission to complete. I didn’t have to pause to think.
“For me, it would be creative writing, without a single doubt. I love every assignment, and some days I wish for more,” I said.
I promised to help her with any assignments that fell under that English and writing umbrella. It came as easy to me as math did for my new friend.
From that day on, we were study partners and friends. Unlikely comrades, Miriam was reserved and shy and I was not. Miriam knew her future and was resigned to exactly what lie in store. I had no idea what my future would be, but I was determined to break every possibility wide open.
We both were farm kids, but she could scarcely believe I preferred barn work over sewing. We both had known hard work from a young age and looked forward to some of the fun that our current school offered. While I looked with excitement to what came next year, Miriam was aware of her final year of school rushing by way too fast.
Every friendship we forge over a lifetime gives us the gift of a new perspective. It has been proven that friendships across wide age gaps are fruitful in keeping the old more alive and curious in the moment while providing wisdom to the very young. We benefit from seeing the world through a completely new and different lens.
I think of my 14-year-old self and know that ending the school year with a “B” in algebra never would have happened without my fortunate friendship with Miriam. She helped me make sense of algebraic formulations that seemed impossible on the first approach. Her calm, understanding way helped to settle my math anxiety.
No matter how many years go by, I still have the occasional nightmare of having to take an algebra test, completely unprepared. If I can find Miriam in that crazy haze of dreamland, I always know I can soldier on.
I think of her often and hope that I gave her a worthy gift of this peace in return.
