Ancient language

I spent the first 18 years of my life with much exposure to a woman who had an Edwardian childhood and a very educated life. As a result, I am fluent in ancient language. I use a lot of words that Google says are now defined as “archaic.”

Imagine my surprise to learn that “slacks” is a hilarious word. I referred to my career attire dress pants as “slacks” and almost took down a room with gales of laughter.

I recall my great-grandmother speaking of her early years as a teacher in the 1920s. Don’t be fooled by the “good old days” hype, she had her share of “hooligans” and “shenanigans. “ I frequently use the term “Ne’er do wells “ to refer to unsavory characters as if I am an annoyed gentleman circa 1840 and not a GenX person who once used “like” in every sentence, “like, totally.” Persnickety I was.

Curmudgeon, a bad-tempered, cranky sourpuss, is another bygone favorite. Bonus points for being a curmudgeon while urging kids to “skedaddle!” As a bona-fide grump, you definitely don’t want anyone dilly-dallying or lolly-gagging. You endeavored to be “Johnny-on-the-spot.” The term “cross” meant to be cranky. One might also be a “fuddy duddy” or a “stick in the mud.” I know I often am. It’s part of my charm.

Another term I use to this day is the word “pill” to describe a difficult or unruly person. “Stop being such a pill” is a colorful way to tell someone to knock it off. I was called a pill many times as a child and I’m sure it was justified. My great-grandmother also used the term ‘flibbertigibbet”’ for someone we’d call an “airhead” today. Frivolous and flighty being a condition that plagued me during the teen years. Cockamamie ideas, ridiculous and implausible, were discouraged. At no time could I have a conniption fit (tantrum).

If I was looking shabby I was “poorly” or “bedraggled.” Otherwise known as “looking like what the cat dragged in.” I was an adult before I realized that saying is basically comparing looking tired or ungroomed to a dead mouse or yard mole. My Great Gram, being proper, would brush my hair out of my eyes, beseech me to please stand up straight, and call me a “rag-a-muffin.”

Some of the best words ever barely get a chance to shine these days while people use the same old four-letter profanity non stop. It’s tiring. Amazing words such as: Bamboozled, discombobulated, cattywampus, malarkey, brouhaha, skedaddle, doohickey, persnickety, whatnot, gobsmacked, poppycock, flabbergasted, shenanigans, kerfuffle, nincompoop, and flummoxed are rarely dusted off and used.

My great grandmother once said “horsefeathers” in a vicious manner. Apparently it was considered cursing in her day. Otherwise I never heard her say any sort of “foul” language. Ever. Her generation was living on the edge and getting spicy if they said “for crying out loud” or “for pity’s sake!”

Other words I feel too young to use but still do include but are not limited to davenport (sofa),

Pocketbook (purse), Mosey (stroll slowly), Bric-a-brac (small household items and decor. See also: clutter).

Of course, there are also some great old-timey phrases that still hold up today. “Hold your horses” is just fun to say. Of course I grew up among generations of horse people so that one was also just literal. At any given moment you could be required to actually hold a horse. On that note I don’t understand how the term “horseplay” came to be. I have never known horses to be particularly fun loving with crazy hi-jinks. Honestly, “goat play” would make far more sense.

As if my unique grasp of language wasn’t enough, I relocated to Appalachia 28 years ago. In doing so, I learned a whole host of colorful new words. For example, “nibby nose” is someone who always has their nose in the business of others. My great-grandmother would have said “nosy Parker.” I have also learned that “lick and a promise” is not a compliment to deep house cleaning. “I told you to clean your room but you gave it a lick and a promise” means you didn’t do it well. On that note we “red up” around here. It means tidy. I once laughed and told Mr. Wonderful I grew up saying “straighten up.” He looked surprised and said, correctly, “was it crooked?” We also have the state of being “puny.” That means you’re feeling sick.

Although this may seem to be just a bunch of tomfoolery, I approve of keeping antique language alive. On behalf of all stinkers, rabble-rousers and tom-foolery, shenanigans has been in my lexicon for years. We need to carry them into the future. People who use the word “stickler” are usually sticklers for grammar. The others still need to learn.