I have reached that stage in my life where younger friends — and the friends of my children (gasp!) are old enough to be having children of their own.
I don’t see how this is possible because I am certain I am 28 years old and that makes most of them 4, but whatever.
I am a rule follower so when invited to the showers, I stick to the registry (y’all are never going to need a wipes warmer — that’s what armpits are for AND it doubles as a bath for the adult — but who am I to tell you that?).
I try not to pretend I know better than the parents what they might want or need (oh, but I do). I do, however, always feel compelled to reassure the newbie parents-to-be that they honestly need not worry so much.
Mentally
You will get advice from people who have been parenting for five minutes or less, and advice that is five-plus decades old. It all may contain some gems — or not.
Listen to parenting advice from a few trusted friends/mothers/writers. All you need is two or three. The rest? Just nod and smile.
“Thanks for sharing that with us!” goes a long way to graciously accepting advice you have absolutely no intention of following.
Emotionally
People are going to say to you, ad nauseam, about nearly every difficult stage: Enjoy every moment! This is unnecessary. Some things just aren’t that enjoyable and it is perfectly acceptable to feel that.
Newborns are actually very hard to get along with sometimes. They are moody, unpredictable, and very easily confused. It is OK to find this frustrating. It means you are a sane adult.
Physically
Work on your walks. I know you’ve probably perfected your regular walk with years of hands-on (foots-on?) experience. You probably think you have this walking thing down pat.
Expand your repertoire, my friends. With a baby or toddler on board, you will soon learn that bouncing, swaying, waddling and even a sort of Ninja-Meets-Army-Crawl out of the nursery are all part of your parenting arsenal. Start stretching now.
Ditto learning to eat with one hand. Bonus points for enjoying cold coffee and tea because you are too busy and/or nervous to drink a hot beverage while holding baby.
I don’t care who you are or how hard you deny it, at some point your “mother/person who raised you voice” will come out of your mouth. There is no stopping it. You will be horrified.
You will also realize she/they made an awful lot of sense. Just roll with it. You might even find that the people who raised you know a thing or two, after all.
It’s amazing how smart my mother and mother-in-law seemed after I had a baby or two.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
When I think of the time I spent worrying about debt, our grocery budget and (lack of) college funds, I could just cry. You don’t need a lot of money to have fun and raise happy children.
Trust me, you can spend a fortune on Disney World and have their strongest memory of the trip be playing I Spy in the car on the drive there. Or Slug Bug if your family is more savage like ours.
Hand-me-downs are softer and too many fancy toys stifle the imagination. Or something like that.
Embrace your need for breaks
Need 20 minutes to yourself? Put your kid on a stool in front of the sink, hand him/her some plastic cups and turn on the water.
Pro tip: Make sure you have a mop and lots of towels and you can consider this a multi-task. You cleaned the floor. Possibly the cabinet fronts and countertop as well.
Above all else, remember this: Babies are often unreasonable, but generally resilient. When you feel like you are doing everything wrong, give yourself this little quiz? Is baby fed, clean, comfortable, and safe? Then — trust me, parents — you’ve got this.
Parenthood is not a competition
Be proud of the parent YOU are to the child YOU have.
Learn to say “Good for them, but not for us!” and mean it. Don’t stress what you can’t do perfectly. Focus on what you can and do that.
This time DOES pass quickly, so look out for yourself and your needs too.
Remember, sleep when the baby sleeps and fold laundry when the baby folds laundry.
