I have had the same “best friend” since I was 9 years old (that was in the 1970s by the way). I’m so grateful for her. We’ve literally grown up together. She’s my rock. She knows things. Nothing illegal but let’s just say either one of us could probably prevent the other from running for political office — if we were so inclined. I’m blessed with both a wonderful family and wonderful friendships. I take neither for granted. I honestly do not think I would be who I am today as a spouse or parent without my many wonderful friends.
I have friends I made over two decades ago through our children. The kids are grown but the friendships soldier on. I have friends I’ve made in the last 5-10 years who have become family. I would give any one of these gals a kidney if they needed one. We also enjoy eating cake together so obviously it’s a near-perfect relationship.
When we aren’t eating cake or catching up and vowing to “get together SOON!” we enjoy texting each other ridiculous memes and planning our commune.
Yes, it’s time to admit that we are in our “dreaming of building a commune” era. Not in a cultish way. Just a place to all live together and share cooking duties. As we have reached a certain age (and mileage) in living our adult lives we have all hit the wall on meal planning. I have just run out of ideas — and interest. For someone who loves to eat, the idea of planning meals leaves me cold. My research says it’s not just me. Most of us would happily clean our own homes but splurge for a cook if that lottery win ever comes through. I am just so tired of every single thing that there is to cook or eat. I just don’t know that I have another fresh new homemade idea in me. Even restaurant dining is getting dull.
Friends remind me that a midlife crisis is just a rebrand. Having friends who embrace each phase of life and provide inspiration is key. One is growing her hair color out to her natural gray. She looks STUNNING. Others are starting new career phases proving that we don’t have to age out of our dreams. One absolutely got me through my children moving out of the house with her oft-repeated mantra of “healthy birds FLY!”
True friends just “get” us. I have a low social battery. I can do fun things but then I need to rest and recharge. The friends who don’t take that personally are invaluable. Friends are the ones you don’t have to walk on eggshells around. They know our faults and foibles and that we are (usually) trying our best. Friends are there so if you forget your worth they remind you. That’s invaluable.
I know there are people among us who are lonely and isolated and struggle to make friends. I understand. I can only share what has worked for me.
Be an inviter. Ask people over, even if the house isn’t perfect! People love the feeling of you welcoming them into your “everyday.” Truth is, there is a relaxing vibe around the invitation to “slide that aside on the table and have a seat.”
For those still in the thick of parenting young kids, it is perfectly okay to allow the children to run and play while the parents sit and relax. Let those kids run off energy.
Parallel play isn’t just for children by the way. Need to clean out a closet? Why not invite over a friend and have some fun with it? It’s nice to have someone there to assure you that you will NOT have occasion to wear the platform boots again (unless you want to, of course). Have a big errand day? Ask a friend along, get a treat if your budget allows and split the Costco-sized case of whatever you buy.
Finally, the best way to be a friend is to be available. Take the call. Answer the text. Ask “How are you?” and really MEAN it. One friend in particular got me through a stressful period with well-timed calls that asked “How are you holding up?” and meant it. Drop them a line. It doesn’t have to be anything important, sometimes in the middle of the day it’s just nice to get a “Let me tell you this crazy story …” text. It’s great to know that you aren’t alone in this life. I promise that a sweet “praying for you” message can turn your whole day around. Even if all they are praying for is that we can all come up with something decent to serve for dinner.
