New clothing line likely not in my future

Do you think the witness protection program offers a new wardrobe? More importantly, can I enroll before I have to appear in anything “dressier” than Santa print PJs for the holidays?
Not asking for much. I’d like to dress better. I would. And I’m not even talking about wearing a designer gown cut down to places my husband had to marry me to see, or classic blouses that “at only $180 a pop I should snap up in every color!”
No, I’d be happy if I just had shoes without chewed-up heels, or that, even chewed, at the very least matched my handbag.
If you have ever feigned amnesia and/or reversed direction in a supermarket aisle simply to avoid having to face someone you know because you wouldn’t be caught dead – or on aisle 3 – in the outfit you are about to be caught shopping in, you feel my pain.
“What happened to you? You used to be